Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
