i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
