I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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