I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
