just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
