I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
porn star boner night. come get it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
