He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
That accounts for only three of the penises
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
