If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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