Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm like, not good at living.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
