Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
