are you still at the devil's house?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
