elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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