Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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