By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The air was thick with penises
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
