I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
