There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
