I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
