Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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