i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Are we still banned from the library?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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