The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm passing your future prison.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
