they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
