By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
