I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
