I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
