Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
