The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You can't motorboat a personality
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
