Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
