He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The power of my boobs compel you
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
