the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
