he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
