I puked a lego.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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