oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
