I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
