You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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