butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
