i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
