This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i will never coherently bang her
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
