I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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