Yo dont text me then not text me
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My penis needs a shock collar
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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