Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
