Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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