Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
