cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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