the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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