There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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