SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
