How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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