I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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