I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
im holly from the hills drunk
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
