Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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